Ouch. Again.

Garrison's torn paw pad has healed nicely. He was given a clean bill of health from his vet a couple of days ago. If only his health was still clean.

Every month or so, the kids (Lucy and Garrison) get their hair and nails done. They have a hair dresser (or groomer if you must) named Beth. Only Beth decided to get knocked up and had to take maternity leave. She didn't consult us, so we kind of felt like maybe she valued her family than us. :o)

Because our kids were looking nappy, we had to opt for an unknown hair dresser. Shouldn't be a problem right? I mean, how much could she mess up a haircut? *sigh*

Manda picked the kids up from their appointment this morning, only to notice Garrison was bleeding from his back right foot. Odd. He wasn't bleeding when we dropped him off.

Before Manda could even get an explanation, his nail fell off. Yes FELL OFF. Off to vet he went again. Free of charge this time. Free because the hair dresser people paid for it. (The kids get groomed at Petsmart, which thankfully also has a vet)

The hair dresser's only comment? "It could not have happened when I was clipping his toe nails." Hmm. That's kind of like a kid saying "I'm not doing anything" without being solicited.

Thankfully. Her coworkers were much more apologetic. They explained it was a direct result of his nail being cut too short.

Watching Garrison walk now is quite hilarious. He lifts the wrapped foot up much higher and sticks it straight back when walking. Poor guy. Not only does he walk funny. His hair cut is bad. Next thing you know, he'll start getting pimples and require glasses.

Hopefully, Beth's pregnancy situation resolves itself quickly. The kids won't have another appointment until Beth is back. Not just because Garrison is now missing a toe nail. But because his hair cut is atrocious. Atrocious like a two year old cutting their own bangs with dull scissors.

Beth. Use birth control next time! :o)



Does anyone know where I can get some Lee Press Ons for puppies?

Peace Out.

Top Ten: Reasons I love Manda

Manda and I have two anniversaries. Today is one of them. Four years ago today, we began.

So. Here are 10 reasons I love Manda. (Please forgive the cheesiness and possible sappiness that will follow)

1. Her southern accent. She can get away with saying anything she wants, as long as there is a drawl to it.

2. The girl can dance. And I don't mean on tables or around poles. Though I'd be OK with that. :o) She's got more rhythm in her pinky than I have in my whole body.

3. She is methodical to a fault. Brushing her teeth consists of 10 steps. Tucking in her shirt consists of two steps per layer. Washing her hands consists of 8 steps. And on. And on.

3 & 1/2. Her thumb nails. She keeps them longer than the rest. I don't know why she does this. I've never asked her. But I don't care why.

4. She is magnetic. I am drawn to her.

5. She makes me feel safe. And not because she keeps a gun on her nightstand. (though that helps)

5 & 1/2. Her face when she finds something genuinely amusing. It lights up. Her eyes twinkle.

6. She folds my laundry perfectly. When I fold clothes, they end up wrinkled. When she folds clothes, they don't. It's almost like a hidden talent.

7. She is honest. If I ask her "do these pants make me look fat?" She will tell me if they do. And because she says it in her cute southern accent, it doesn't offend me.

7 & 1/2. Her sense of self. She knows who she is. And she is proud of it.

8. She puts up with my infatuation with Ellen DeGeneres. Seriously. You have no idea how much patience this requires.

9. She is beautiful.

9 & 1/2. She is open. She is uncensored. She just is.

10. She has no sense of direction. None. Nadda. Zero. Getting phone calls that start with "how do I get home from here?"... Only she doesn't know where here is.

Happy anniversary Babe.

Peace Out.

Ouch.

Garrison. My pride and joy. My little man. I call him "Handsome". He's a dog. Really, though. He's our son. (He must have gotten the full body hair gene from someone else.)

Garrison loves to run. Unfortunately, our townhouse doesn't have a backyard, patio or anything close to that. When we first moved in, he attempted to run around the coffee and dining tables. However, wood floors are not known for their traction. After falling over, slamming into walls and embarrassing himself countless times, he now avoids the wood floors. Instead, he hops from rug to rug when he's excited or wants to play. It is actually very cute.

Due to the lack of a backyard, Garrison has grown to love the dog park. His weekly visits are the highlight of his week. I didn't think dogs kept track of what day it was, but he always knows when it's Sunday.

This past Sunday, he was running around with 3 of his friends... Sorry, don't know their names. I know, I shouldn't let our son play with kids I don't even know, but they looked harmless. I don't think they were members of a gang or using drugs. Actually, I don't think Garrison knows their names either. After all, he identifies them by how their butts smell. According to him they're "had diarrhea earlier", "sweaty balls" and "needs to douche".

Anyways, he was running around with his friends. We didn't know he had gymnastic abilities. He launched into some sort of cartwheel, round off back handspring, with a twist... only he didn't stick the landing. I personally would have given him a score of 8 if he hand just stuck the landing.

A few minutes later, we noticed him limping around. Upon further inspection, we noticed a tear/cut in the pad of his paw.




It was none-life-threatening. More like a really horrid paper cut. Yet we had absolutely no idea how to fix it. Good thing his doctor's office is just down the street from the dog park AND open on Sundays.

One hundred and fifty dollars... yes $150... later, he is bandaged up, given a weeks worth of antibiotics and sent home with pain killers. (Really. I thought it was a little much.)



He's only managed to remove his bandage once, which resulted in us wrapping his leg with athletic tape. He hasn't managed to get that off yet. But he is smart. I have no doubt he'll figure that one out.

Peace Out.

Top Ten Tuesdays...

So, Sina (a good friend since we were roommates in college) started "Top Ten Tuesdays". Basically, every Tuesday she does a different top ten list. She now has a bunch of us copying her. She is such a trend setter. :o)

I am behind the times, last week's topic was "Albums". Here's my list.

1. Ten, Pearl Jam: My very first CD. It has been a part of every major event in my life since I was 12. It was the beginning of something.

2. The Crossing, Meg Hutchinson: This CD just is. I can listen to it from beginning to end, anytime of the day, no matter my mood. I'll never tire of this album.

3. The Other Side, Melissa Ferrick: Although I fell in love with her music years ago, this album was the first of her's that I truly connected with. It's amazing how you can listen to music and feel as if someone channeled you to write it.

4. Details, Frou Frou: I discovered this album during one of the hardest times in my life. It was a life saver.

5. Fortune Cookies, Alana Davis: I been singing along to this CD for 5 years... and I'm not done yet! When I'm in the mood to listen to something and I don't know what, this is often my choice.

6. The Hits, Reo Speedwagon & Gold - Greatest Hits, ABBA: These CDs just make me happy and remind me of my first major, real unreciprocated crush in college. Plus, they are classics!

7. Jagged Little Pill, Alanis Morissette: This defined my high school years. It brought me together with all the other jaded women in the world wanting to be heard. Even now, my inner-angry-biotch needs to vent.

8. Live at the Acropolis, Yanni: I don't want any crap for this album. I love it, because my parents loved it. I listen to it and am instantaneously ported back to my childhood.

9. Sogno, Andrea Bocelli: Just a timeless album... and the only opera I like.

10. Melt, Rascal Flatts: When I want to feel, I listen to this. I fell in love to this album.

Scorpion Fun

Ok, so I get this phone call at work from Lindsay. She is giggling and can't explain why. Of course, that makes me start giggling. Linds goes on to explain the story you just read about the scorpion.

I laughed so hard I almost cried. Then it settled in that I might have walked right over the icky critter on my way out the door for work. *shudder* I now have the bug man on speed dial!

Man, she was seriously mad at me for 2 hours after our little interaction with the critter. I mean, tell me, what would you do if a "dead" scorpion came to life and jumped up at you? You would push it away from you, right? Ok, just making sure. Is it really my fault the place it ended up was on her chest? =o)

L8R.
Manda

Screaming like a girl...

Crickets. We've had a big problem with crickets. A fun evening activity was chasing the little bastards around with our hand held vacuum and sucking them up as they jumped about. You should try this. It is entertaining and strangely satisfying.

Looking back, the disappearance of the crickets should have raised some alarms. It didn't though. I was just thankful they were no longer dive bombing us from the ceiling while we slept.

Do you know what type of critters eat other critters who eat crickets? I didn't. Until recently, when I meet one.

Every morning Manda leaves before I do. Due to our different schedules, I handle the dogs before I leave for work. This particular morning, I was participating in a conference call on my cell phone. I was just putting the dogs up, when I noticed "it" on the tile.

I thought it was a smashed cricket at first. A large one. So. Naturally. I leaned in closer to get a good look. It wasn't a smashed cricket. Not a cricket at all. It was a scorpion laying on its back all curled up.

Did my heart quicken a bit? Yes. I've lived here in the desert for most of my years . This is the first time one of these critters moved in. But it was on its back, curled up. Surely, it was dead.

Because I was in a hurry, and slightly distracted by my conference call, I grabbed a few tissues from the bathroom and lightly picked it up. I say lightly because I really didn't want to touch the thing.

I should have had a game plan before I picked it up. Now I'm standing in the laundry room trying to decide what to do with it. Do I flush it? Do I throw it outside? Do I keep it for Manda to see?

I was running these options through my head when I looked down to see the scorpion crawling over the side of the tissue.

This is where I screamed like a girl. Threw the tissue down. And ran the other direction. Even looked over my shoulder to see if it was chasing me. (I'm not proud that I looked over my shoulder... but I'm honest about being a pansy-ass)

After I'd achieved a safe distance from the 2 inch monster, I remembered I'm on a conference call. Thankfully the phone was muted.

I was now in a panic. It was alive. AND it was on the move. Thankfully, I'm like MacGyver. Super resourceful. I grabbed a glass candle holder out of the entry way, took a deep breath, channeled my inner ninja and trapped the scorpion.

Fast forward 11 hours. Manda gets home. I'm all excited to show her what I caught. She already knew the story. It was on its back. I thought it was dead... scream... run. etc.

I took the top off the candle holder. She looked down, saw it laying on its back and said. "oh it's dead." The next part happened in slow motion.

I started to say "no, it's alive". But dammit. I wasn't fast enough. As "noooo" was resonating through the air, her hand made contact with the side of the container. (You might be wondering "why smack the side of the container?" Apparently this is a widely accepted method for testing the deadness of critters.)

In response to the jolt, the scorpion popped up to say hi. Springy little sucker, it almost cleared the top of the container. Manda screamed. Then shoved the container into my chest. Apparently in attempt to protect HERSELF.

I am now screaming. This wasn't supposed to happen this way.

I channeled my inner ninja for the second time that day and slammed the lid down on the candle holder. All I can think to say is: "I am so mad at you right now." Then I stormed upstairs.

It was two hours before my heart calmed down. Two hours of not speaking to Manda. Two hours of Manda saying "it was a reaction! I'm sorry!".

You know where that scorpion is now? Still in that same candle holder in the entry way. I don't know what to do with the stupid thing. And I'm sure as hell not taking the lid off with Manda around!

Peace Out.